stepstephstephy

changed of url
ask me for it.

well, the whole week was pretty fine,
today is a saturday, august le!

yeah, my bday is coming, 2 more days!=)

blog about fri, i was excited to go sch, cause clinton said he has a game for me that includes my bday present,
he has 18 cards, each cards will represent my present, so i had to choose one card, that will say what my prezzie is, so we had trial run, blablabla.
when it came to the actuall testing, i chose the most ex present. freaking happy, but when i thought of how ex the present might be, i told clinton not to get it le, i will settle for anything, i really had feelings, not cold heart-ed. well, i skipped maths cause i wanted to go home, and feeling excited for dc gathering too.not everyone coming, but at least jiale and huimin coming! hahas, i was feeling pretty down already, but nvm. hahas
so we were suppose to meet at 7, amk hub, mummy say wanna fetch me de but suddenly papa called, so i had to make it there myself, i was thinking of taking picture with many ppl cause i took my new polaroid there.

when i arrived at amk hub, i saw jiayi jianle and irene, i was wondering where is yanjing cause i know huimin and jiale goona be late, so jiayi told me:"jiale got dragonboat, huimin sick, yanjing sick wingtong hospital, oscar and lester i dono. "
my heart sank.
then the next thing she said:"dont be sad."
then i smiled at her, i told her, no lah nvm,
then we did not know where to eat, i suggested the one next to new york new york,the hong-kong-cafe-lookalike.
when we were choosing, my tears welled in my eyes. i shout at myself,: fuck you you shoudnlt cry! u are a fucking loser if u cry! and you're not a cry baby!"
so i changed the topic to my polaroid.! i wanted to take pic le but the food came, so nvm, since so many ppl not here, i suggested we go look for wingtong in the hospital, cause i guess he might be lonely, we go pei him, then jianle asked and all, so we're going.
i went for piano, i played "his got the whole world in his hands" my fingers were shivering. cause i.. no, i told myself i cant! i must concentrate, but when i started playing, the first note was wrong, so i told the teacher, i said "sorry:"then suddenly, my first drop fell onto the piano, the teach stopped counting, but i continued playing, then my second drop.i played the second verse, i swear my fingers cant control, i just played the wrong note again, the teacher counted for me, i played, and the second last note, i played wrongly again. then i played the whole piece again, then suddenly the teacher put her hands onto my shoulder, then my third drop,i toldher:"im really sorry, "i cleaned the keys cause its wet, then i was better, she taught me a new but difficult piece, maybe that gave my mind away and did not think of anything, after that it was over, i went out, shaun led me to the toilet there, then jianle suprised me with the cake together with jiayi and irene, i wanted to cry, but i hold! when i was holding the cake, ppl walked past me, so i just smile and smile.
when i was making the wish, i told myself, : i wish that all dc members were here today,even though it was a while,
i open my eyes, jianle said: a serious wish; i smiled again.
i blew the candles.we took a polaroid shot, when i smiled at the camera, i asked myself i thought to myself, i pictured this polaroid shot to have more ppl inside,
aftermath,we went to hospital and when i was in the mrt, i was feeling a lil down, but i keep smiling to shaun, when we reach the hospital, i sms sky and clinton, i told them, :"my dears, im feel like crying now, "
sky replied:"why,what happen.?"
clinton:"what happen.?"
i replied both the same sms, sky told me:"nvm! tmr will be a better day,"
clinton scolded me, cause he said :"my bday also noone celebrate with me, no present, u should be lucky that u have 3"
i replied both:"im sorry,i cannot hold any more,  "
when we reached there, i told them, i wanna go toilet, i closed the door, i sat down, and everything came out.
for that whole 3 minutes, it was painful cause i remember the times where i put down everything cause dc had a gathering, an outing, and i out them first in my heart, but when it comes to me, i see so much differenece, i wipe my tears, i looked into the mirror;"u are a fucking loser, u should not cry, 3 is good ok! u are a fucking loser if u cry again"
i  washed my face and walked out, i saw shaun standing there, i was shocked, but i pretend nothing has happen and i smile at him. he told me:"i heard everything"
i told him, u hear what.?
then i walked to wt bed, we were going to cut cake , wingtong wished me happy birthday, and all, then he asked, what did shaun give you.?
i turned and i said,:sorry, i wanna go toilet"  
tears drop already before i reached the toilet, it dropped onto the cake,then i brought the cake in i hurry take tissue and cover, wash my face so that noone know i cry,
i think jiayi know le, so i ha to stop this nonsense, for the next few hours it was ok, then it was time to go home, when i alight at hougang station, i wanted to hug jiayi and cry, i really wanted to, i walked to the bus interchange and took 112, i put my head on shaun shoulder, closed my eyes and those few drops would not stop flowing,
i sms mummy,i told her, :"don laugh at me, my bday celebration only 3 came, hahas, maybe u are right about the no plan thing for my bday, but, i really cannot take it, i cry inside the toilet, i cry not because little ppl come, but, i just feel like telling you, cause i feel sad,"
she replied:"i think i will know how u feel. u make every effort to make yourself free and remember other ppl bday but, its alright, just rmb that i will always be by your side, its ok."

i reached home. i looked at chiochio, i told her:"hello, i miss you" my tears drop for the final time, she wanted to shake hands with me, but for the whole night, i laid on the floor, looking at the sky, i finally fell asleep at 4.30

jiayi,irene, jianle,  if you're reading this, i wanna let u guys know, thank you, thank you for everything, i really appreciate it, i do, but dont think of me as a cry baby, im really not, but thank you again.

s, thank you.

knowing that the efforts doesnt pay doesnt hurt,  its the part when u finally see it and acknowledge it,  it really hurts,

ELLLOSSS
ok, firstly cause nowadays im super busy with work work work work, im going to update my posts on a weekly basis.=D yay, i know its so smart of me.=DDD

ok. this week was a lil rough for me and s, but what the heck,

MONDAY
lols. i had a wonderful birthday celebration with papa on sunday!lols. it was super fun and our dinner was )*(*^*%%#^#&$*
ex, but FANTABULOUS.
ok mon, i woke up for sch, went for sch, then reached home at around 7++, nothing much actually.except that i quarrelled with s(big big quarrell)

TUESDAY

i woke up the same time on mon, cause i had to go work, work was fun, cause we kept talking and talking, and david din come work,
then sitian scam me and i thought he was so nice to give me a choco, but the choco was given to him by SU ppl.rofl,
then went for prac, i ended early so i went home myself, cause dont feel like waiting for s, he made me so angry.
so i went home, blablabla

WEDNESDAY
heh, i woke up later a lil, cause i was supposed to meet at orchard for my social pysch, i wake up, had breakfast with my PARENTS, i had loads of fun,lols. then mummy fetched me to amk, i take mrt down,had fun goofing around at orchard, aftermath, i and s were better, he came to fetch me at orchard. such a sweetie.LOLS. then we decided to do some shopping after my class,then we headed to hougang mall ate AJISEN then head home.=)

THURSDAY
which is ytd, woke up late, but i din cabb to sch, cause i know cher wont mark me late.LOLS. had classes and all after 3, i went to do proj, and then i went to anthony & co's room to slack, then something happened.lols. there is this machine next to anthony, we were talking about that machine, anthony said " wah, this machine is my diploma, my grades my life"
then yongjie said " ya lah like some royce roy"(or something)
then they switch off the machine and all, then i asked anthony, "switch off can touuch le mah?"
then he say "ke yi"
then when my itchy hand touch the thing, the disc holder went backwards.
then i gave a wierd sound. anthony ask, what what what.?
then i point at it,
the whole group surround it.
then the next few minutes was *&&*&^*&^&^*
then anthony clement and yongjie keep telling me nvm, then 1 min later....
i stand there looking damn emo.
then yongjie said"nor, someone emo liao lor.that one standing there"
then i gave a lil smirk then i put my head down on the table, then i cried.
lols. i walk out of the room then anthony also come out, then blablabla, anthony tried to make me laugh, but i was crying pretty badly
lols
anthony said"huh, i hen hai pa nu hai zi ku leh"
then i laughed.then after eveything, took bus down and meet s,
told him the story and he laughed.o_o
but i smiled too.
ate LJS
then homed with s,overall, it was a fun day.!=))))

FRIDAY
today, the Very nice clement DROVED us to sch and now, im in lab, shall update again, =DDD



TATA!=)
 

ah,
ok,
lets blog about the week,

MONDAY

hees.i think i forget, oh nono,had dinner with s, at ramen, while we're eating, i look down, i saw that SPORTSLINK having promo,
then pestered s to buy his stupid shoe that HE IN TURN PESTERED me to keep buying with him. lols.
HE FREAKING BOUGHT HIS SHOES FOR LIKE $20.?

lols, he looks happy but yet sad, his shoes like so cheap while other tennis players shoes are so ex.then i had some flash back, then c home, and chat with s online.

TUESDAY

i started sch at 1, so i woke up at 11.30,shuangs,=)
then had the prac, i released at like 3++ then i forget where i went, OHOH. i went home, go see mama.
then had dinner with my family,i must blog about this.
I ATE 3 FREAKING BOWLS OF KWAY CHAP.
cause at dinner time,
it was my first meal, then mummy scold me for doing this, say my gastric blablabla.
then went home, and my dumb dog is getting crazier and crazier.o_o
once i got home,that stupid dog jump on my foot.and step on my feet, then jump onto my mother, THEN I HAD TO SMACK HER,lols
hey, im not violent, its really painful.LOLS.


WEDNESDAY

eh, i think i forget oh, i had social pych.
fun, NOW I CAN SAY, IM A GOOD PHYSCHOLOGIST,
JON say i am.
OHOHOH.
after social, i went to meet my mama, quarrelled with s,
then mummy fetch both of us,went to bugis,funny part is mummy told me how MJ shopped,
with 4/5 ppl behind him, then whatever he touched is what he will buy,
i act like MJ and shaun act as follower,the scene damn funny. cause i anyhow touch then s was like" huh, touch again, i never see."
ROFL
ok, it may not seem funny to you guys, but at that time it is ok! s will agree with me.=D
then went to papa store there, go buy the very nice fish cake.SERIOUSLY., ITS DAMN BOUNCY.lols obscene, but heck it
its really nice.=)

THURSDAY
ahh.nothing much, school-ed. then after that meet anthony& gang slack, then meet sky for DANCE.
the hip hop class was a lil ___________ for me cause i din really like the chreography.
then MTV was a blast.!!! we danced to 罗志祥's 撑腰 DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN NICE.
we danced to the real chreo.=DDDDD
hahas.

FRIDAY
eh. today, just had some fucking shit prac test, not bad, managed to finish the test and successful,because well, i dono also. hehs.
ok.thats it,

TATA=)

ailiens,
i have thus decided to work extremely hard, cause i wanna beat my own gpa.
stupid.? i know lah.
but too bad.
i keep getting OK ONLY grades. no good grades,it simply piss me off.o_o
hmm,
blog about this whole week,

wednesday:
forget...

thurs:
i went to mummy's workplace and TRIED to study.

fri:
went out with clinton and s to wacth transformer.aftermath outing with DC.
not bad, felt really good cause everyone went. LIKE FINALLY, all 12.
meet, went for dinner and spent the rest of the night talking and drinking by the river, dont really like it cause too powdery.
and reached home around 2.45.
i had this nightmare.
no, i cant say its nightmare, but a dream, not sweet,
i dream of w, when i wake up,
i stare at the ceiling and asked myself, why am i still thinking of him.? is it cause the outing.? the memories or.?
the dream's lead suppose to be s, but why is it w.?im sorry.
dont be mistaken, its just a dream.i wont harbour any hopes cause ILOVESHAUNLEOHMING RUI , sound CORNY but i dont care.rofl

today, woke up at around 11 plus, helped with the laundry and went to my ah ma house fix the tele and now, waiting for my new tele to arrive.

tata.=)

alright, this post dedicated to ***** **** **** ***,
how to start.?
i also dono, random-ly, i vividly rmb about this,
me, my mum and my bro & s went to temple to pray, not any other temple,, my ah ma temple.
and when we got down, i went in to greet my ah ma & i started going to pray , (buddhist should know*)
and when im finished, i realised s din go in, then,
the whole thing started,
i walked over to him and ask why he never go in,
he say cannot go in lah.
then i suddenly keep quiet, and i walked into the temple,
i looked at the godness and i asked myself, is he the man i wanna spend my life with.?
when i die, he cant pray to me, cant pray to anyone who dies in my family.?
i hate this feeling, i realised when my mum told me,  she had never seen a couple christian and buddhist that got together and lasted.
she said out of 10 couples, 9 1/2 wont last.
the temple thing, i did not ask u to pra, i just wan u go in and greet my ah ma sit down and all,
NO,
he stood outside there the entire time.
isnt it just basic respect to go in and just greet my ah ma.?
im tired, tired of this, since sec 4 untill now, its hunting me.
it really is..

i really wanna ask u, who is more impt to you,.?


i told clinton on msn, i wanna break down. i feel like crying.
then my personal nick on msn changed,
im not acting emo,
i reaLLY WANNA just shout and cry and just lean on someone's shoulder and cry, anyone will do, it has been so long since someone lend me a shoulder, for once, i feel so lonely in my life, not even s,
the gap is getting further.

everything i have done for you, the effort i put in , the amount i out in , the heart i put in, is it all nothing to you,.?
just a few sweet talks and treating me nice.? s,  i believe my hapiness will come back, i really do and hope.

good night peeps,
finally im blogging again.
but however,
NOONE knows.rofl.
good.
i guess thats the way i want it.?
hahas.
nothing much since i M.I.A from this blog but the recent thing that hit me pretty bad was my mother's case of heart- attack.
hahas. dont go "omg"
not that kind u watched in the shows, but the minor kind=).
i shall blog about the whole thing.:
at **/**/2009,
i went to bed, trying to fall asleep and i did.=)
aftermath,at around 5.15am, i was being shoked awake.
my bro rushed into my room and tell me my mum had a heart attack, i immediately brush my teeth and went downstairs to wait for my aunty.
my father had sent my mum to hospital already.
when i was in my aunty's car,my 18th years of my life, the only flash back i had, about my mum. i held on to my tears and went to the hospital.
i reached the hospital & immediately went to see my mama,
i saw her and my tears rolled down, noone saw luckily. & she open her eyes and looked at me. my heart broked.
she looked soo.....fragile.?
then she wanted to pee. but she had the drugs, so the nurse din allowed her too. but i walked in, wanting to help her my aunty signalled me to go in too, she is my mother. my mother that brought me up for 18 yrs. for once, i wanna do the same as how she did in the 18 yrs ,
i held her but she still couldnt pee. then after alot of commotion and stuff, i told her to wait cause the doc did say its the side effects of the morphine.
i went down to meet my whole family, ya, whole as in relatives too.
then my bro & papa started quarelling and then the were saying about my mum, quite hurtful things about her,then my big grand aunty said something bout her, i shouted at her and i walked to a corner of the building to cry, when i cry finish, i walked back and i saw my papa walking to the stairs and he sst down,5 sec later, i saw his tears. when my fathers mummy died, he din cry, his papa died, he also din cry, when he cry, i feel like hugging him, he was shivering and cying. then, i ya.hmm. cry
through this whole event, it was before my common test. so i was trying to concentrate then,
i was sitting on the chair outside the hospital after i see my mum,
the i finally had chance to call and wake shaun up.
but it was a total let-down
i called him
we chat and i asked,

stephy:"later u come and pei me can.?"
shaun:' oh, huh, i think i eating with my father"
stephy:"oh, u just come pei me, i also haven eat lunch, eat already go with your father.?"
shaun:' but i very long never eat with my father"

after a very long pause, i finally say,
stephy:'hahas. ok then nvm."
then i hung up.
the moment i hung up his phone, i asked myself, why is it when i need someone by my side,
i realised that there is noone i can turn to.?
the tears rolled down. i looked at my phone silently and asked myself, am i alone in this situation.?
i closed my eyes and the 4th drop of tears dropped and i asked myself, mummy, i really want u now,
i feel really, really disappointed with his answer.
after that i went to my second house to pray, when i held the jossstick, i asked my ah gong and ah ma to watch over my mummy, pray for her safety and grant her with good health.
and after all of this, it was finally night time.
i went to bed, but before that, my chiochio walked in and slept near my computer table, i asked her to come over then i told her,: mummy today not coming back. she cant play with you ah."
then i cried.
i lie down on my bed and i started crying , i thought of some incidents which really made my mother really pissed off, why my o levels grades were so bad, why and all.
i rmb, there was once i was in sec 4.? i was so angry and i sms-ed my friends this :' wa lau,fuck lah. im v.angry now, my mummy.........
i hope she die in an accident lah."
i still rmb this very clearly.
then my mum saw this, at first she did not tell me, when she wanted to fetch me somewher, she said:' u want me to die so much.? why did u say that in your sms.?"
at first i was angry for her to look at my sms, then, she slapped herself and cried .
when i thought of this, i cry to my chiochio.
i din so many things to hurt my mum, yet she tolerate me over and over again. & i still rmb we were talking one day in the kitchen & my mum said one sentence;" actually if can, i will never let anything happen to my children, even if something should happen, it should happen on me."

i really adore, love and love my mother alot. not after this incident but maybe cause i wasnt sensible enough to know what happen, and to know my mothers love for me.i thank you mummy from the bottom of my heart. i love you so much. we are going to spend mother's day every year, for the next 50 yrs together. i love you.

hello ailiens.
aha.
i dono why nowadays in class i act emo or whatsoever ppl have been asking me why i like that i say stress.
CAUSE I WANNA BEAT THAT GUY! i swear.
his so arrogant.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
neh mind.
moving on, shaun and i have been seeing each other everyday.
cause we studying for our common test.
but each time DARLING has been attracting me to play DS
how irritating.
but i swore.
never in my life am i so hardworking for test.( not exam)
so ya.
AFTER MY EXAM,
i shall buybuybuybuybuybuybuybuybuybuy CLOTHES, NECKLANCE,EARRINGS AND MORE MORE MORE.
yeahyeahyeahyeaah.
i wanna blogshop, shop and shop .
oh yeah.
danchuns bbq was a success!
I ENJOYED IT.
hahas.
okays.
toodles.

im tired la.

hello world. FANTASTIC
this week has been smooth going for me, however not to shaun.
he has been bearing my temper AGAIN AND AGAIN/
firstly, i seriously dono why i wanna throw temper to him.
i really dono why/.
but after few hours of thinking and brain-storming, thus the cute steph has came out with something.
i realise I TREAT SHAUN LIKE A #$^%&%&^&$^&%#&%#$^&$^%&^%$ or maybe in simpler and not complicated terms, i keep thinking he is my throw anger bucket. 
i swear i feel bad
BUT I DONO WHY MY ANGER SUPRESSES THE guiltiness.
I SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR
well for ppl reading my lj
those who wanna know what happen read shauns blog/
O_o
I PORMISE SHAUN NOT TO SAY.
fuck.
neh mind/
I NEVER GIVE URL ma. no need scared.
woohoo.
hahas.im smart.
YES I KNOW.
oh i realise shaun love me VERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERY much.
i love him VERY VERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYvVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERY
VERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYvVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERY
VERY much too okays.

oh well. i really need shopping badly.
i have come up with a wish list already.
IM WORKING TOWARDS MY GOAL/
and im determine.=)


SHAUN I LOVE YOU!
NO MATTER HOW MUCH I THROW TEMPER AT YOU,
WE ARE JUST LIKE KAYA BREAD.
YOU ARE THE BREAD, IM THE KAYA!

hais.im thinking of that incident again.AGAINAGAINAGAIN.
FUCK.
why is this happening to me?
am i thinking too much?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
i know i not.i know what im doing.
i have a clear mind of what i wanna do , say and THINK. but yet i cant control it.why? why is this happening?
im going to do it agian this sat.i DON WANT.
but i have no choice. i did something wrong and now i have to clean up this shit.
why? BECAUSE I SUCK. I HATE MYSELF.
why did it happen?
WHYWHYWHYWHY?
i really hope i have a time machine.
PLS bring me back the stephanie who knows the meaning of smile.
smile is to think of happy things and smile WILLINGLY not forcefully.
it has been hard on baby.
he knows me too well.
thats what i love about him.
i feel like telling jiayi jiale huimin what happen to me.
BUT I CANT.
have someone ever feel this way im feeling?
JIAYI!
for once i really hope u were there when i cry.
I SWEAr i dono why.
your image just appear.
i really hope someone will bring my hapiness back.
i really hope.

&& jiayi im not emo-ing. is just that i really wanna say out how i feel nowadays and why i might not be able to make it for jiale bday.=)


baby, i love you so so so so much.
thanks for singing to me when im down,
thanks for trying to cheer me up when im angry though you're not at fault.
baby, i would give the whole world to you.thanks for being mine.=)
i love you.

im not sleeping caue of some fucking reason.im damn fucked up right now cause of some fucking reasons too,arhhs.i feel so fuck up right now la.arhs!!!! =X what the. 


ok ok. just press atl + f4 ok? 
thanks.










































































im not in a good mood.

hello aliens. ok firstly.
i wanna say or maybe shout,  I HATE WORKING MANS but i need the $$$$$$$$!

faggot.
okok saturday was a a fun day with bernice the patrick and baby!
so ya very very the fun but yet quite tired too.
den on sunday din meet baby at all cause he had the buy his VERY LOUSY PHONE.*laughs
den monday had a lil tiff with him!
ok.maybe alittle disappointed but not angry.
hais.neh mind
but e made me super happy today cause he really make my day.
HAHAHAHAHAS
common test is coming i needa brush up ,.... nono. not brush up is pull up my socks.
lmao.
okok self-entertainment steph.
LASTLY.

i seriously miss huimin and jiale and jiayi alot.miss laughing with them.=(

STEPH STEPH MISS MISS SHAUN SHAUN!

STEPH! stop it.its being childish.
ok.whatever.

yay, so i had the 4 hours break but quite boring. den i was a very nice and guai girl i went for my AEL class. hahas. so ya. i suddenly miss jiayi jiale huimin yanjing and irene alot.

hahas so ya. after that i went to shaun's class to help him in his EECAD but somehow i feel that he did want my help but maybe because of my character i keep helping him made him a lil fustrated, made me like i should'nt be there. neh mind la. hais.
den something happen again.
he and i went to the old place ave 8 there to eat. den i told him i wanted mee goreng.
he came back, but when the food came i was totally shocked.seriously. as in that kind of jaw dropping kind it wasnt even what i wanted.o_o
den i use my jacket to cover ,my face den i ask him why u order?
he said want to try something new.
hais den i struggled thru the dinner.
it was horendous.
i swear i first time eat this kind of food.o_o

shaun:you still angry?
stephy:no (looking at her food)
shaun:don lie
stephy:u know le u still ask?
shaun:im sorry can?whati need do den u will forgive me?
stephy; *keep quiet*take out tissue from her bag, *wanted to help shaun clean his sweat.
shaun:don need

den i just keep quiet untill the end of the dinner.
my plate wasnt touched. i keep eating the rojak which was tofu and fishcake , one each la.
den i signal the man to CLEAR my plate but he went in and ta bao out for me.
den shaun laugh saying :" eh the man ta bao for you"
i was fuming mad la.i already not in a good mood and he made a joke out of it.o_o
den after that i took my bag and just walk away.
den i walk into the cake shop i din know shaun was following me.
i saw MY FAV TIRAMISU!
den i turn around i saw shaun.
den i walk away.
den i thought that since he know that i havent eat den he will buy for me.but never mind he din buy.
forget it.must be wo yi xiang qing yuan.
den after that he follow me untill near my house i turn around shout at him.i din mean it i was so fustrated.
den he walk away from me.
i called my mother to meet her at the coffee shop den when i reach i really blurt out everything.i was really i dono. angry?
fustrated?
den after that my brother suddenly say something,:" why u shout at him?even if its me i also will angry and walk away la".
den i suddenly keep quiet i tell my mother i will walk home myself.
when i took my bag and walk 4 steps, my eyes got water le.
4 steps. idk i like that.
den i cross the road, the first tear dropped.
i walked to behind the mama shop the bench there, i cried. people looked and stared at me. i just continued.
idk why i like that. i cry finish, walk home and watch tv. when my mummy come home, she took something and went out leaving me and my bro. aftermath she called and ask me not to be sad and all.
i said i was ok den i walk to the kitchen and cry.
i hug my bear bear and cry. i tried talking to my dogg.but she just keep wanting to shake my hand.
she cannot reply me.i feel so helpless.=/
at that moment everything came into my head whatever that is good bad what happen to me.
idk what to say i just keep hugging my bear bear and cry.

am i really wrong? am i really not a good girlfriend? whats wrong with me?

i just wanna tell shaun,
im really sorry.

i might not be beautiful, good-looking or gorgeous looking,
i might not have guys asking me for number
i might not be the most understanding girlfriend
i might not be the most forgiving girlfriend
i might be very petty at times,
i might not have the nicest figure that most girls have
i might not know how to cook for you,
i might not like to give way to you, wanting you to give way to me,
but i wanna say i really love you alot.

this ugly duckling might not turn into a swan, but she will always love shaun.
i love you, i really do. 

i cried in front of shaun again when i tell myself not to.
i dono what to do, what to say what to respond when they tell me they dono too.
seriously, i hate myself, i hate me.i hate stephanie toh.
i pormise myself, whatever that happens, i will still stud hard.i swear, nothing is gonna get into my way. fuck the negativity, fuck the voices in my head telling me i cant do it. fuck those wholook down on me.and lastly, fuck you.( for the you who wanna know ask me yourself)

ok.i shall post again,maybe later.

 LING JIA YI!
 

AHAHAHAS.


I LOVE YOU TOO!
 
=D 

jiayi jus admit la.EVERYTING IS POTATO.maybe shaun can be watermelon.
hhas.lmao.den jianle's gf can be apple. den yanjing's ** can be tomato.
den jiale's weikai can be turnip. huimin's ** can be orange. 
AHAHA.VEGETABLE FAMILY! woohoo.

ok.can someone comment about the swimming thing?JIAYI u read my blog right? how?
should i go for the cert to teach people swimming? i shall post again later cause i wan my 4 hours break.cher say he will end early.HAHAAHS.=D 

from jiayi's blog.

1. Do you have secrets?
o_o

2.Would you fall in love with a guy younger than you?
im born in the month of august. shaun is sept. what do u think?

3.Do you enjoy going school?
maybe.meet friends crap use com meet up and spend time with shaun but not cause of studies.o_o

4.What would you do wif a billion dollars?
half of it to the orphanage and cripple society or something.i have a soft heart=X
the rest on shopping.

5.Will you fall in love wif ur best friend?
unless im a les.o_o

6.Which is more blessed,loving someone or being loved by someone?
being loved

7.List 5 favourite movies.
any dance movies.

8.If the person you secretly liked is already attached,what would you do?
pretend that i dono.=D

9.Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
yesyes.IF shaun brings me shopping every sat
IF NOT, as long as anything to do with danchuns & shaun can le.

10.Do you hab any regrets?
yes.trust me, YES.

11.How would you see yourself in 10yrs time?
depends on how shaun performs.HAHAS.

12.Who are currently the most important people to you?
for me to know and for u to find out.

13.What kind of person do you think the person tagged you is?
still don understand the meaning of being tagged but i guess is jiayi?
she loves her potato alot, just like how i love shaun,she likes...i also dono.actually just anything to do with potato.o_o


14.Would you rather b single & rich OR married but poor?
married but poor.

15.What is your favourite colour?
originally purple but now random.see which one is comfy to eyes.


16.Would you gib all in a relationship?
YES

17.If you fall in love wif 2 person simultaneously,who would you pick?
if it has the name shaun, i wil choose him.

18.What are the top five countries on ur to go list?
AHH.CORRECT QUESTION.hahas.
whole europe, italy, taiwan, hongkong & new zeland.got more!
i also wan go china, USA, africa!  ANYWHERE BUT THAILAND(pukes) 

19.Do you prefer being a single or having a relationships?
before i met shaun, i wanna be single.but after, you know you know.
but depends la.

20.5 people i have tagged.


ok.post, ytd had some housecleaning thing again TWICE! BULLSHIT LOR.
cause i had to clear my stufftoys already wow.DUSTY LA.
den leoh ming rui din even help.went to watch movie with his family
aftermath had a lil tiff.
neh mind most impt is i told him what i had to say.o_o
so ya read his post le so dumb la.he din post my joke.!
cause my jokes not funny, thats what he said.!
stupid him !
later might catch HSM3 with him. so ya.
ok i post again later! hahas.byes.
sudden urge to design something for myself, something unique.


p.s i wanna get a certificate for swimming to be a coach. wish me luck.o_o

f***
i find that nowadays im being so paranoid thinking of things that are not within my capabilities.hais
oh.LESTER WEE.you found my blog.
ahahs.
funny & shock to see him to sen me a message.
oh blog bout ytd.
skipped 1 hour of lesson for something, aftermath went to shaun's house to have dinner.
his mummy cooked curry chicken.
at firs quarrelled with him over whether to go his house or my house but hais.
after much thinking just heck it la.
since he complains he sat & sun never go home so ya.
den go is house played CZ den did somethingelse den his mum came home.
cooked and all.at first i told his mum i wasnt eating.
but ya.after that dono wy suddenly got my share.
neh mind.
used com  for awhile when i and him quarrelled again.o_o
quarrel over minor stuffs.
went home and all bath && I BOUGHT PYJAMAS!
AHAHAHAHAS HELLO KITTY AND DOREAMON ONE!=)
feel comfortable tosleep in it!HAHAS
yeah.happy.den when i tell shaun i wearing it he wants webcam.but to bad i already pin up my hair.
hahas.neh mind la.next time u wan see u ask earlier.!
went online shopping and bought from XINYI cookies and other blogshops two pairs of shoes and TINGHUI clothings.
woohoo satisfied.
LEOH MING RUI YOU PROMISE TO GO SHOPPING WITH ME.O_O
BREAK YOUR PROMISE I BREAK YOUR LEG.=D
people, im not violent!=)
&& i love shaun leoh!=D
p.s: shaun has a blog btw.

l0ls.wait untill 21 i will naturally tell you why this one month is about!
andand no. jiayi is not cause of what u said.what u say?
l0ls. funny. never mind. now in class freaking bored.shaun is bored too.ahahs.faggot. this teacher talk from the book.i go home study also can. stupid lor.
oh ya. the other time sat I HAD FUN WITH DANCHUNS! hahahas.=)
only joseph wingtong and ah min din come.o_o.
so ya.
andandand danchuns having bbq and chalet! yayness.
hahas. so ya. hope jiale will really pass her jc 1! if not i might kill her.o_o oh something funny happen during the meeting with danchuns. only jianle oscar lester jiale jiayi shaun me YANJING irene know only.hahas.
know why yanjing name is highlighted cause she was the main lead of this joke.
who call her so 38
hahas.=)
oh well, need listen in class, den can score well go UNI! YAY!

I MISS SHAUN LEOH MING RUI!
three cheers for this dumb cher.
at one point of time,i really felt like telling the whole world what happen, but i chose to keep silent! im stupid.
yay me.

this one month should be very long ba.today is the first day of this stupid one month.one month one month, what im talking bout?
hohohohohos.me and shaunloehmingrui are not together anymore.tsso ya.hais. this poly holiday for me totally sucks.i swear.my worst holi ever.!i hope my next holi doesnt suck as much.whatever that happen that week, i hope it wont affect my own future.I HAVE DECIDED MY AIM WOULD BE UNI. thus i wont allow anything to get in my way!=) and i realised my 1comt teacher sucks. i and michelle wanted to go to the LADIES den she don allow.cm'on la. go f*** yourself.we also not sec sch student le.o_o

andand    
iloveshaunleohmingrui
this one month hurry pass by!

im just glad its over.
but hope it wont leave scars and nightmares on me.i really hope!=)